It all comes down to the simple question of what these people truly want. Think about it. Dave obviously wanted to have a threesome at some point in his life – and with that hair, I will not so much as even entertain the notion that he’s had a shot at one before – and being on this show allowed him to dive dick-first into some debauchery. Ashley G. (and the skilled group of editors tasked with turning her into character) allowed us to see that what she values most is constant validation. As for Casey, the guy who is currently pounding the wooden plank upon which he literally sits and is metaphorically walking, well, Casey must value snagging himself a semblance of fame. I can think of no other reason to explain why he’d talk his significant other into coming on a show with such a shit track record when it comes to couples staying together. He brought Ashley there. He thrust her into a scenario where it was at least a possibility that another guy would eventually join her in some thrusting. Whether or not Casey has behaved himself thus far on that island is not really the issue; if he wanted to prove his fidelity, he could have done that shit on the mainland. No, Casey had to be looking for something besides clarity and my guess is that “something” involved becoming pretend famous – and now here we are. The guy is momentarily famous for looking like a sap and the only thing that shocks me about any of it is that he has the nerve to appear surprised.
Casey’s reaction to Ashley’s betrayal goes beyond the wood spanking – and sadly that is not any sort of metaphor. Casey says he feels like his life is over and Ashley broke the rules they set up, though to be fair, those rules never would have been made had this guy not pushed her to go on this show. I get that he didn’t think Ashley could possibly grow to care about someone else in real life, but this is reel life, Casey. It’s an orchestrated environment where emotions and logic are intentionally toyed with in an effort to encourage everyone involved to make very bad choices. And I’m not sure Ashley is making such a bad choice here. I’m all for her ditching a man who talked her into being on this show and had far too much arrogance to see what could very clearly happen. I will not deny that a part of me – that pesky human component I can’t seem to drop – feels some compassion for him, but it’s only mild compassion. I can’t help it; I think the guy’s reaction to something that was so obviously a possible conclusion borders on the ridiculous. Need some proof? This guy – who is on this show to ostensibly test his relationship – bellows that he and Ashley have an amazing relationship. Um, dude? People with amazing relationships do not go on Temptation Island, not unless there’s another motive at play. And I really hope that secret motive was worth you losing your girl because I don’t see Ashley tiring of Ben’s attention, devotion, and decent kissing talent soon.
The women arrive at the Bonfire next and I’m finding it hard to look at Kate; I feel second-hand embarrassment for her. I find it way easier to focus instead on how nobody giggles when Ashley G. says she hopes Rick feels like their relationship is worth fighting for, you know, even though she cavalierly behaved like an asshole and didn’t consider his feelings in the slightest when she chose to nail KB even before any of the dairy in the villa’s refrigerator went bad. Mark asks Ashley H. about Ben and Ashley once again radiates absolute bliss while rhapsodizing about the way the guy kisses. (Is anyone else wondering if Ben’s kissing talents are really that good or are you cynical like me and thinking that maybe Casey’s kissing skills just suck? If I were really committed to my craft, I’d head out into the world with the goal of kissing both guys – a comparison shopping experience with tongue, if you will – but as I’m not paid nearly enough, I shall just continue to wonder.)
Kate sees footage first. Since last week she watched her boyfriend shower naked with one chick and then writhe around his bed with two, you’d think she’d be off the hook in terms of being subjected to carefully edited misery. Unfortunately, Dave is still enough of a douche for there to be screen time of him rubbing Toneata’s ass, telling her he really really really likes her and that he’s considering a move to L.A. to be near her. Kate doesn’t cry this time. She stares at the screen and just says that she doesn’t recognize the guy on it and that Dave needs to figure himself out. I don’t usually get my feelings too involved with this show, but I actively hope Kate doesn’t end up with this man. Legitimately decent people know that “figuring yourself out” does not need to be as selfish an experience as Dave has rationalized it should be.
When it’s Esonica’s turn, she watches Gavin tell Mia that she’s his favorite, but Esonica has no idea if he means she’s his favorite of the women in the villa or the favorite when it comes to ranking women of the world against his girlfriend. (Oh, that scent that just came wafting your way? Nothing to be concerned about! It’s just me burning my own bra while sitting on my sofa. Do not be alarmed by the fumes and please continue to go forth and rank women!) Esonica has no idea how to interpret what Gavin is saying because the premise of this show allows for no context, but she looks bored by all of it. When it’s Ashley G.’s turn, she rolls her eyes so dramatically when she watches footage of Medinah that I hope those near her at that Bonfire checked to make sure she was just being a reactive jerk and was not instead having a stroke. But I do agree with Ashley when she says Rick is only showing Medinah snippets of who he is and therefore Medinah cannot possibly understand Rick the way she can. She’s right, but it may be hard for her to scramble up to any moral high ground after some of the choices she’s made. And lest we forget, had KB not ditched her, she would probably still be all about that guy right now and I think we all know it.
And now it’s Ashley H.’s turn and these producers are fucking masters. They have no footage besides Casey innocently sitting alone in a hot tub, so they go The Payton Route. Yes, it is a Payton confessional Ashley sees wherein the least emotionally stable human currently on the island apologizes to Ashley for who her boyfriend is and then advises Ashley that she deserves more. What Ashley is not told is that Payton was speaking to a camera because everyone in the house was avoiding her so they wouldn’t have to lie again and tell her the cover-up caked below her nostril looks very natural. Still, those behind the scenes know exactly what they’re doing; the clip has the very desired effect of making Ashley believe Casey is up to absolutely no good and she should therefore go kiss Ben some more and wave to the cameras whilst doing it.
Before Ashley can get some of that good kissing and subsequently create some more visual content that will slowly drive Casey mad, she will have to toss the handpicked flowers Deac placed on her bed in a sweet act of devotion that also makes zero sense. Listen, I know the guy was into Ashley and I know she felt giggly around him at one point, but it’s pretty clear the girl is all about Ben now. Those flowers were plucked in vain, Deac! It was a valiant gesture done with exceedingly shitty timing, but I very much believe Little Deac (He calls himself that! It’s not like I’m being intentionally disparaging) will make some girl very happy, though that girl will not be Ashley.
Also: Serious props to Ashley G. for being the only one of the women to realize that trusting the drunk rantings of a female Temptress is a fool’s game. I don’t agree with every move this woman has made on this show, but she seems to see people more clearly than anybody else does and I respect that madly.
At the guys’ villa, Casey is moping. Samantha compassionately tells him she’s there if he wants to talk and Payton stares at his misery with a glint in her eye that might be the lighting but it also might be the first signs of insanity. Really, who’s to say? As for Dave, he wants Toneata to know he has meant every single thing he has said to her, which means he has really meant it when he said she’s pretty because that’s kind of all we’ve been shown of their scintillating conversations. (Since we all know how much of daily life in that villa must be edited out for the show, let’s take a moment and imagine the very profound conversations Dave and Toneata probably have on a minute by minute basis about things like moral ambiguity and political identity and whether or not she will be able to get him an agent. Okay, that moment is now over.) To us, however, Dave says he doesn’t know if Kate can trust him after he made some “stupid mistakes,” though I’d venture to say him asking her to appear on this show in the first place should have served as Red Flags 1-47 for the woman – and since Red Flag number 48 just had a reconstructed mullet emblazoned upon it, that flag should count here, too.
When it comes Rick and Medinah, what is becoming obvious is that they communicate in very different ways. Rick prefers to retreat when he’s upset and such a thing probably can’t work with someone as verbally probing as Medinah. I understand her frustration. Here she has met a smiley guy with deep dimples who is fun and smart and yet she cannot get the guy to open up so she has no real idea where she stands. And as Medinah walks away to give Rick some space and Casey crawls into a fetal position and cries about his girlfriend’s betrayal, Ashley H. gets into bed with Ben and expresses once again how much she really likes before asking him perhaps the best question anyone has ever asked on this show: If I meet you in the real world, will this be you? Bravo, Ashley! And though I don’t know if she can or should believe Ben when he swears he’s really this trustworthy and swoon-worthy in real life, good for her for asking if what he’s throwing down is a made for TV act or a legitimate reflection of who the guy truly is. I’m rooting for these two, or at least I’m rooting for Ashley.
Deac is not feeling particularly happy right now, not when flowers torn off nearby bushes and placed on a bed in a color coordinated pattern did not lead to an invitation to cuddle. This is bullshit, he thinks, and then he shares those feelings with Chris, Ashley G., and the demon that uses KB’s body as a host. And oh, my friends, do things devolve.
Allow me to walk you through the madness that anyone with half a working brain cell could have told you was simply a foregone conclusion when the participants of said madness include a needy woman with a short fuse and a man who staunchly believed it that one time his mommy whispered that he is the very best boy in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD and then forgot to clarify that his inherent specialness shouldn’t mean that he and his ego are the only things that will ever matter:
o Ashley G. asks a bummed Deac what he was hoping for by strewing flowers around Ashley’s bed, and when KB busts in to answer for the guy – because, you know, he’s the Captain of this fucking table too – Ashley calmly asks him to allow Deac to answer the question.
o KB does not like to be told anything, and certainly not by a woman, so he reacts like an unhinged lunatic. When Ashley gets up to leave the table and mumbles that she’s walking away from “a bunch of bitches,” the guy’s toxicity pours out of him geyser-style.
o While I would have just walked away at that point (and I also wouldn’t have slept with such a piece of shit), Ashley decides to chide the KB for being “all in his feelings,” and since said feelings are defined entirely by abject rage and the inability to be so much as questioned by someone with ovaries, KB responds thusly: “Someone come get this bitch!”
o When their past “relationship” is dragged into this lovely conversation, KB screams that it was a struggle to fuck her and Ashley retorts that Rick’s dick is bigger. (If I was really committed to my craft…oh, never mind.)
o I think KB’s big mic drop moment is meant to be when he tells Ashley to take off her wig, but there are no mic drop moments here because all this sequence happens to be is a public service announcement for why you probably shouldn’t sleep with relative strangers who say things like “Let me have some of that chocolate love” and then follow those poetic words up with decrees about being the number one guy in the house – nay, the universe.
Should there happen to be a deity floating around Hawaii, maybe it will be kind enough to show its holiness by allowing an elimination ceremony to take place soon so KB can finally be shoved off the island or into a volcano. I’m fine with either. But Ladies of Planet Earth, take heed! Make sure you have watched this scene carefully and then go ahead and watch it one more time because even if this guy’s cartoon-like muscles excite you, be wise enough to understand that you will not be the lady who will change KB. He will always be this much of a narcissistic-instantly-combative-thinks-the-sun-rises-and-sets-out-of-his-asshole type of person, and if we all band together, maybe this shithead will not have the opportunity to breed.
The next morning as Deac continues to complain that he wasn’t anointed with his own national holiday because of his flower displaying skills, Ashley G. sits in bed with Ashley H. and bemoans allowing herself to initially fall for a man who clearly only cares about himself. “I did everything wrong,” she says. She realizes Rick is a man who honors and respects her and she wants the guy back. She would also like to experience no repercussions because of her actions. I’m not so sure Ashley will be able to overlook Rick’s actions, but something tells me these two will end up together and Rick will spend his future telling Ashley she’s pretty 802 times a day. And you know what? Maybe that’s an existence that will bring them happiness. If it is, I’ll hop on board.
Also: I state here and now that I will not be hopping on any similar board when it comes to Kate and Dave reuniting. My understanding nature only goes so far and the perimeter of that understanding does not include forgiving total dipshits.
Casey is in a reflective mood on this new morning. He’s writing in a journal as tears stream down his face and it’s sad for sure, but again, he’s the one who wanted to be on a reality show. Someone way happier is Dave. He gets to spray sunscreen on Toneata! He gets to bask beside her on a lounge chair! He gets to make and listen to small talk about absolutely fucking nothing! It’s like living a dream, so long as your dreams involve superficiality and men with terrible hair.
Also: I know some of you think I hired that bird to take a shit on the Temptresses, but do not be silly! First, I kind of like three of the girls who almost got soaked with bird shit. Second, had I hired that bird, it would have shit only on Payton.
When Casey crawls outside to sit near the fun the others are having, Rick sweetly stays by his side so he can be there for his friend. And though Medinah wants Rick to come join her in the deep end, Rick remains put and I am more certain than ever that Rick is going to wind up back with his Ashley in the end.
Feelings and friendship are nice, but since this is a reality show, what we really crave is conflict. That need is fed when Mark appears and tells the ladies they can send any of the male Tempters home. KB is the obvious one who will get the heave-ho, but Deac is also about to be pushed out the door. After all, Deac’s been complicating Ashley’s new happiness by moping around and muttering that he’s going to ghost a person he currently shares a kitchen with, and that shit is just bad form. When it’s time for Ashley G. to address KB, she tells him that his energy feels toxic to her. In turn, he takes responsibility for his actions and wishes her the best for her future. And listen, that’s a nice way for the guy to go out, but not for a nanosecond do I believe his anger will not bubble over viciously the very next time he feels like he is not being worshiped properly. As for Deac’s exit, he swears he’s not bitter (he is) and Ashley H. says she wishes she could feel more for him (she doesn’t), but no bloody platelets are left coating the walls and there are no references to wigs of any kind, so things are cool and calm, at least for the moment. Over at the guys’ house, the men decide Samantha should be the one to leave, which means those of you raised by the adage that participation in a threesome will get you forever friends are now probably feeling gobsmacked.
Before Mark leaves, he tells the guys that it’s officially Record a Video for Your Girlfriend Day. Yes, this right here is an annual holiday on Temptation Island where one has the option of speaking consolingly or desperately to an actual significant other for thirty whole seconds. You also, however, have the option to not record a message at all, and the would-be recipient will only realize you didn’t do it when he or she opens a box and sees nothing inside but literal lack. This is Casey’s chance! He will be able to sob into the lens of an iPad and win Ashley back! Will he be able to do it? I say no, and I also say the only question that matters here is if any of these people choose not to send a message at all and instead skewer a person they once claimed to love while pretending the choice isn’t about being a total coward.
Also: Before any of the messages are recorded or are not recorded, there’s a lovely moment where Ashley G., Ashley H., and Kate sit watching a sunset while talking about their self-worth. Though not a bit of me buys that they needed to suffer humiliation with cameras in their face in order to achieve such growth, I’m glad they have the support of one another.
The guys decide to throw a party that evening for the female Temptresses, and since every fucking fiesta on this show has to have a theme, this is a Black and White party. The glorious part is that Gavin has been able to snag an iPhone, so the party becomes a photo shoot and you can almost see the droplets of drool covering the floor when these girls lay their retinas on a piece of handheld technology so elusive on that island that it’s basically digital contraband. As people are posing downstairs, Medinah and Rick are getting into it for real upstairs. I’m a Medinah fan, but she doesn’t come off very well when she tells Rick he should have spent his time with her in the pool instead of consoling a shell-shocked Casey. I do not care for the way Rick yells at her to make his point – were men of this generation simply never taught to use indoor fucking voices? – but I think the eventual result here will be Rick choosing to see this moment as evidence that proves he and Medinah do not belong together, which will then clear the path for him to reunite with Ashley. However all this ends up going, at least Rick has stumbled onto the understanding that he fights a ton with Ashley at home and he’s bickering with Medinah on this island, so maybe the problem linking both scenarios is that he doesn’t listen all that well. Aw, look at Rick growing up!
When Video Day arrives, things go as follows:
Ashley G. heads to see her video wearing the oddest, well, let’s call it a shirt, that has ever been fashioned by a has-to-be-blind fashion designer. (It involves a turtleneck, it’s beyond cropped, it has sleeves and yet no shoulders.) But the big story here is that Ashley is relieved as hell to get a message from Rick. His message is about how he’s grown, how he’s no longer a boy but a man, how he hopes she’s changing also, and he ends it by telling her he loves her and he’ll see her at the final Bonfire. After what she’s done to this guy, Ashley should dance into that villa and force everyone, including the camera crew, to join her in a fucking conga line, but she’s feeling too guilty to dance right now. She does say that her heart really needed to receive that message.
The message Rick receives is straightforward, and though it ends with Ashley saying she loves him, she comes off as cold. My guess is the woman is simply so freaked out that she’s turned her insides into popsicles in order to avoid weeping uncontrollably, but a little bit of warmth might have helped her. Rick thinks her icy demeanor means she’s moved on.
Dave’s message to Kate begins with him saying that he loves and misses her (puke), that he wanted to go on the show because it would make him more deep (which is why he has hourly conversations with Toneata about the weather), that he swears he’s grown exponentially on that island (which I think means he’s referring to his dick getting hard when he’s around other women), and that he really hopes she’s enjoying her time (as she is forced to stare at him having a threesome and chatting with another girl about relocating so he can be near her).
Kate’s video for Dave is a master class in FuckYouIsm, which is a new philosophy I shall patent tomorrow so I’ll have time to manufacture graphic tees emblazoned with indignant expressions that will be ready to purchase in time for the holidays. Kate looks clear eyed and beautiful and she says she’s glad she’s there, she now knows her own worth, she has handled herself with nothing but dignity, and it’s a shame the man who loves her cannot say the same. Properly chastened by her evidence of class when he has shown none, Dave breaks down in tears and I finally believe those tears are motivated by (momentary) regret.
Esonica looks outwardly calm, but she says her heart is beating wildly as she presses play to listen to Gavin’s message. He tries to reassure her that his feelings have only grown stronger, but she’s not sure anymore about what she wants. I guess emotional vacillation is one side effect of being talked into going on a reality show where you are asked to reflect every fifteen minutes about your ever-shifting feelings.
Gavin’s message from Esonica is all about how she is evolving and that she’s now aware her possibilities are limitless. Though he is happy to stare at his girlfriend’s face, he finds the words coming out of her mouth to be more than a bit concerning.
Ashley H. seems to know full well that there will be a message waiting for her. The only thing that’s unclear is whether hearing from Casey will be helpful or lead her to more confusion. Since her immediate reaction to listening to his message is that she appears to be choking back vomit, I’m going to venture that Casey’s video (filled with unreleased but clear sobs, sprinkles of forgiveness, gobs of desperate love thrown about, and a hint of a marriage proposal) sickens her. Now she hears all this? Now? He had to bring her on a dating show so he could beg her to stay with him in a thirty-second video message? Ashley is over it – and she doesn’t regret a single thing she’s done.
But Casey is not done, not by a long shot. He’s terrified Ashley didn’t record him a message (she did) and he’s crying before he even presses play. The torture playing across his features only gets more pronounced as he listens to a chipper Ashley say that she thinks of him every day and she has grown more confident and she’s happy he brought her there and she doesn’t regret anything. More than her positive demeanor, Casey realizes she doesn’t say “I miss you” or “I love you” even once and here he sits, depressed and despondent, and she is living it up in some tropical villa with some other guy.
Casey’s pain? It’s palpable.
It was also probably avoidable.
Nell Kalter teaches Film and Media at a school in New York. She is the author of the books THAT YEAR and STUDENT, both available on amazon.com in paperback and for your Kindle. Her Twitter is @nell_kalter