I ran into an ex on the beach once. And I’d say I remember that day like it was yesterday, except yesterday was a pretty kickass day and the day I saw my ex on the beach was basically misery bathed in lemon yellow sunshine.
Viewing entries tagged
The Bachelor
Welcome to MTV’s Ex On the Beach, a social experiment the founders of television could never have expected to transpire, not even on the days they drank straight scotch until they saw only static. This program brings reality stars and “social media stars” – and if you’re not already sighing heavily, we can never be friends – into a gorgeous villa in Hawaii so they can be manipulated while cameras film every second of their inebriated time. Join me from the comfort of your sofa (where, hopefully, there’s nary an ex in sight) as we witness fitness models, a DJ, and former contestants from shows like Big Brother, The Bachelor, and Are You the One as they head to what they pretended to believe would be paradise until the producers revealed the real plot: that their exes would eventually wash upon the shores like debris and subsequently scatter the senses of every single person present.
I remember reading this almost perfect article in Vanity Fair more than a decade ago about the fierce friendship and even fiercer competitive spirit between two men I truly believe helped to usher in the devolution of society even more significantly than Trump, Putin, and all the hackers crammed into that Russian think tank combined. Mike Fleiss and Mike Darnell, the friendliest of professional foes, are the men who separately or together blessed us with the following illustrious television fare:
Many full and crescent moons ago, I stayed overnight at a hotel in Albany. I was there with two of my friends to attend a conference for New York State English teachers – and I think I would have rather been at the dentist having my gums drilled without anesthesia than sitting in lecture after lecture about exciting new ways to teach Shakespeare.
It’s not that I don’t think that there is, in fact, some new fun way to teach Shakespeare. Of course there’s a way to spin it so the kids reading it for school credit can get into the play and won’t get so easily dissuaded by the language that doesn’t sound in any way normal or current to their tender ears, ears that are so used to hearing the word “motherfucker,” that insults like “starveling” zip right by without a shred of comprehension. But I can’t honestly say that I was all that fascinated by any of the lectures that took place during that frigid day I spent in Albany. I was there for one reason: to win an award as a Teacher of Excellence (suck it, all you starvelings!), and I was humbled enough that I was chosen to receive the honor that I happily made the trek upstate.
I watch Big Brother, a cheaply produced reality television show that airs three times a week during the oppressive heat of the summer and into the dimming daylight of early autumn.
The show is utter crap – and I utterly love it.